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Fuel! Further ignite my fire, please!

October 11th, 2006 Leave a comment Go to comments

When I began my career as a porn producer I caught a lot of flack from Christians. I used their comments to fuel my drive to delve deeper and deeper into the adult entertainment business.

Now, in part, I’m using the people in the adult entertainment business to help my drive to become a full-blown Jesus Freak. While I still have a handful of people from the business who are proving they are true friends (by supporting my decision even if they don’t agree with it), the overwhelming majority of people are just getting more and more cruel with their comments.

One man I used to consider a good friend has begun publicly tearing me apart. That one instance is really the only person who hurts me at this point. The rest just fuel my fire.

Some enjoy throwing my own comments back in my face. They’ll quote things I’ve written in my old blog and smugly think they’re proving something. I guess they missed that note on the left column of this new blog where I’ve written that those past blog entries have been left on record on purpose. I’m not hiding from anything I’ve said. We’ve all been wrong in our lives. I wrote many mean, hurtful things about Christianity. At the time, it was one of the ways I vented my frustrations with organized religion. I didn’t know it then, but with everything that’s happened in my life since September 25th, it’s rather evident that I was just deluding myself. God has the power to change hearts. He has definitely changed mine.

I really enjoy self-analysis. I try to be as honest with myself as possible. I realize that I keep going back to the message boards and responding because I really, truly need to read what is being written. It drives me. It gives me further resolve to do everything in my power to never again give up on God. I don’t want to fail and prove the ignorant to be right about me.

Perhaps that’s a bad attitude for me to take, but at least it’s an honest one.

Categories: Christianity, Conversion, Donny Pauling, Jesus, Jesus Freak Tags:
  • John & Jennifer

    “Perhaps that’s a bad attitude for me to take, but at least it’s an honest one.”That’s not what your aunt Jamima said!!!

  • John & Jennifer

    “Perhaps that’s a bad attitude for me to take, but at least it’s an honest one.”

    That’s not what your aunt Jamima said!!!

  • Donny

    You know, guys, if you’re going to leave negative comments at least own up to them. Posting them anonymously and then challenging me to leave them up is rather unrealistic, don’t you think?ADG, the old posts aren’t gone. The only thing gone is a link on the front page to them. They URLs are intact and not a single one has been removed. Please please please stop taking out your frustrations with religion on me. I’m just a former pornographer. I have not once tried to get you to change your ways. Deal with your issues without using me as a person upon which to vent. Your song and dance is getting old.

  • Donny

    You know, guys, if you’re going to leave negative comments at least own up to them. Posting them anonymously and then challenging me to leave them up is rather unrealistic, don’t you think?

    ADG, the old posts aren’t gone. The only thing gone is a link on the front page to them. They URLs are intact and not a single one has been removed.

    Please please please stop taking out your frustrations with religion on me. I’m just a former pornographer. I have not once tried to get you to change your ways. Deal with your issues without using me as a person upon which to vent. Your song and dance is getting old.

  • Anonymous

    Hey Donny, you deleted my post. I was the 3rd poster but I don’t have a blogger account.And it wasn’t negative too I was just saying you can do whatever you want but you just seem stressed thats all.I wasn’t even fighting with you, just saying i felt bad you got banned from GFYBut there is good news! People are trying to fight to get you unbanned there so hopefully you will be back!

  • Anonymous

    Hey Donny, you deleted my post. I was the 3rd poster but I don’t have a blogger account.

    And it wasn’t negative too I was just saying you can do whatever you want but you just seem stressed thats all.

    I wasn’t even fighting with you, just saying i felt bad you got banned from GFY

    But there is good news! People are trying to fight to get you unbanned there so hopefully you will be back!

  • Anonymous

    banned from gfy…. thank god his bible thumping may finally be over.

  • Anonymous

    banned from gfy…. thank god his bible thumping may finally be over.

  • Donny

    Oh anonymous ones…Please point out to me where I was “Bible Thumping”. Did I start any threads? Was I pushing my views onto any of you?Hmm.. I didn’t think so. No, I was merely answering issues raised by others. If you truly don’t want me on the porn message boards kindly leave my name out of thread titles and stop the ridicule. I’ll always stick up for myself when it’s brought to me.

  • Donny

    Oh anonymous ones…

    Please point out to me where I was “Bible Thumping”.

    Did I start any threads?
    Was I pushing my views onto any of you?

    Hmm.. I didn’t think so. No, I was merely answering issues raised by others. If you truly don’t want me on the porn message boards kindly leave my name out of thread titles and stop the ridicule. I’ll always stick up for myself when it’s brought to me.

  • Jeff

    Hey Donny, The more you write, the more it seems we’re cut from the same cloth. No matter what we say, no matter how objective our statements actually are, there are those that read it and can’t accept it as is. They read “Christian,” and there’s already a stigma there. I just read a cached GFY board page, the first one where Belinda commented, and your statements were completely reasonable, but everyone else said one of three things:1)STFU and GTFO, basically (as though freedom of speech is acceptable as long as they agree with it)2)Welcome to being a Christian poster-boy (as though they know your heart)3)If you’re a “Christian,” you need to act this way… (as though they are experts in the topic)Keep holding on. I dunno if this has helped, but check out one of my myspace blogs and there’s something that I think may help you keep your footing. I hope, anyway.Need any help on the boards? Let me know if I can help, because I don’t mind wading neck-deep into something like this. It’ll be fun!

  • Jeff

    Hey Donny,
    The more you write, the more it seems we’re cut from the same cloth. No matter what we say, no matter how objective our statements actually are, there are those that read it and can’t accept it as is. They read “Christian,” and there’s already a stigma there.
    I just read a cached GFY board page, the first one where Belinda commented, and your statements were completely reasonable, but everyone else said one of three things:
    1)STFU and GTFO, basically (as though freedom of speech is acceptable as long as they agree with it)
    2)Welcome to being a Christian poster-boy (as though they know your heart)
    3)If you’re a “Christian,” you need to act this way… (as though they are experts in the topic)

    Keep holding on. I dunno if this has helped, but check out one of my myspace blogs and there’s something that I think may help you keep your footing. I hope, anyway.
    Need any help on the boards? Let me know if I can help, because I don’t mind wading neck-deep into something like this. It’ll be fun!

  • Anonymous

    “self-analysis”.

  • Anonymous

    “self-analysis”.

  • Donny

    “self-analysis”Thank you, anonymous. Changed!

  • Donny

    “self-analysis”

    Thank you, anonymous. Changed!

  • Anonymous

    Donny,How about a bit of self analysis…You are fucked in the head. There is no god. We are matter, atoms like all other matter in the univerese.Stop using religion as an out for your mental state.Anon.

  • Anonymous

    Donny,

    How about a bit of self analysis…

    You are fucked in the head. There is no god. We are matter, atoms like all other matter in the univerese.

    Stop using religion as an out for your mental state.

    Anon.

  • thief

    donny, you’re one of my heroes. if not the hero right now.Either way you’re a hero.

  • thief

    donny, you’re one of my heroes. if not the hero right now.

    Either way you’re a hero.

  • Anonymous

    Evolution is a religion. So dont use that absurd idea and mentality to excuse your behavior. Your belief in our being evolved is ridiculous find a new religion because that one is dying.

  • Anonymous

    Evolution is a religion. So dont use that absurd idea and mentality to excuse your behavior. Your belief in our being evolved is ridiculous find a new religion because that one is dying.