What I've Learned About God From Watching Christians – Part 1: Parroting
Indulge me as I give a rebellious outsider’s view of one of the reasons why so many people are turned off to God due to his beloved Saints. I’ll call this “What I’ve Learned About God From Watching Christians.” You may find such ramblings to be petty, but judging from the title of this website it still appears to be mine. Neaner Neaner.
Since Brother and Sister Stick-Up-Their-Butt seem to lack a sense of humor, let me assure you I am writing tongue-in-cheek (kinda). I promise not to allow my views of God to be influenced by people. I’ve done that before, which is part of the reason I got to the place where producing porn seemed like a good idea.
After so many years of being away I guess I’d hoped God’s people would have evolved to some higher level of communication in their relationships with both Him and their fellow Christians. Alas, that does not seem to be the case. Please pardon the apparent attitude problem and read on. Perhaps I’m too easily bothered, but I know there are others like me who are bothered by the same seemingly small issues. There’s a point to be made at the end of this blog entry. Kinda like a monster waiting at the end of the book, but better.
From observing the Saints, it appears God made us all to be robots. He wants us to say the same things, and not only that, he wants all of his creation to repeat the same phrases throughout eternity. In every language.
It seems God doesn’t want a “personal relationship” with us after all. He wants a structured one. He has protocol for speaking with or about him, at least that’s how it appears. Brother Stick-Up-His-Butt seems to think we have to speak or pray in certain ways while communicating with God. Pardon me for assuming God hears everything we say and therefore is used to hearing us talk like, well, normal human beings. I’ll try to remember to put on my holiness cloak the next time I pray or speak with a fellow Christian.
It’s only been a month since the surrender and I’m already saying to myself, “I need to stop going to church so often!” I feel God’s presence all over me while praying alone, so perhaps with time I’ll get over my issues and begin to feel more from Him during services.
Don’t get me wrong: I’ve been loving the sermons. Bill Giovannetti from Neighborhood Church is a great speaker. He delves out information I can use in real life. Kris Vallotton from Bethel is likewise talented. I love listening to both of these men. I just have a problem speaking with some of the church parrots I meet each week. I’ve never been much of a parrot fan.
Donny’s definition of parroting would have to be something like: “when everyone in a particular group of people use the exact same terminology or use the same phrases, over and over and over again”. I get tired of people who think they impress me by speaking verbatim with phrases written a few thousand years ago.
If you walk into a protestant church in just about any country I bet you’d hear them saying the same things Christians say here, just translated into their local language. The same “power phrases” are repeated by everyone. Parrots, I tell ya! Parrots!
“Squawk! Glory to God! Squawk!”
Do people even have a clue what they’re saying? Do they comprehend the words that escape their own mouths? Seriously, now. How many of you, off the top of your head, know what “hallelujah” means? No! no! don’t go look it up. Just tell me what it means. What do you mean you don’t know? If you don’t understand why do you say that word so much?
This morning I drove by a church that had a sign out front advising that “Children’s Hallelujah Night” would be this coming Wednesday. For some reason I don’t feel motivated to take my son to Children’s Hallelujah Night.
“Squawk! Glory in the highest! Squawk!”
Somebody please tell me what that phrase means. Why do we teach each other to repeat it? Why do we teach it to our kids? It doesn’t really mean anything to everyday life.
“Squawk! God is Good! Squawk!”
Of course he’s good. He was good when you told me that last week while shaking my hand with your fake smile. He’ll still be good next week when you repeat that exact same phrase yet again. Sorry if you were expecting me to respond with “yes he is”. I’ll work on that.
“Squawk! God, you reign forever! Squawk!”
I guess God would forget he reigns forever if we didn’t tell him all the time in song.
“Squawk! How awesome is the Lord Most High! Squawk!”
Since Jesus is the “Lord Most High” that might explain why I never hear “Most High” referring to anything in normal conversation, unless I walk in on a group of stoners debating who’s hitting the bong most.
“Squawk! God bless you, brother! Squawk!”
I don’t remember sneezing, but thank you anyway.
“Squawk! Praise the Lord! Squawk!”
Right now? I haven’t even had coffee yet. Maybe later, k?
“Squawk! Squawk!”
I spoke with one Christian girl just a few days ago about some ideas I’ve been having. Because of the words I used, she questioned whether or not my ideas came from some sort of cult. I re-worded my thoughts using terms she’d hear in church and all of a sudden she exclaimed that she totally agreed with what I was saying.
Not everyone is like this, of course. There are Christians who understand a real relationship with God doesn’t require a totally new vocabulary. I am hopeful that number increases as more people experience the freedom of being able to just be themselves… as more people realize they are loved “as-is”.
Wouldn’t it be nice to bring non-Christian friends to church and have them meet real humans instead of robots or parrots?
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