Comments on: Spare the Rod. Spoil the Child. http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/ The Blog of Donny Pauling: former porn producer, changed by Grace and Love... Wed, 11 Jan 2012 01:17:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Seventh day Adventist http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/comment-page-2/#comment-4498 Seventh day Adventist Wed, 14 Apr 2010 03:57:43 +0000 http://donnysramblings.wordpress.com/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/#comment-4498 nice post, thanks! nice post, thanks!

]]> By: YLF http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/comment-page-2/#comment-765 YLF Sat, 29 Dec 2007 04:16:38 +0000 http://donnysramblings.wordpress.com/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/#comment-765 All parents that spank thier children are child beaters. All child beaters deserve the death penalty. All parents that spank thier children are child beaters. All child beaters deserve the death penalty.

]]> By: YLF http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/comment-page-2/#comment-5234 YLF Sat, 29 Dec 2007 04:16:00 +0000 http://donnysramblings.wordpress.com/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/#comment-5234 All parents that spank thier children are child beaters. All child beaters deserve the death penalty. All parents that spank thier children are child beaters. All child beaters deserve the death penalty.

]]> By: Ray http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/comment-page-2/#comment-764 Ray Thu, 08 Nov 2007 16:21:32 +0000 http://donnysramblings.wordpress.com/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/#comment-764 A second comment.... why is it that these days people are so highly opposed to *physical* corrections, when a psychological one can be as bad or worse? To explain what I mean, let me give an example. My friend Brian hangs out with a group of people that includes a married couple, John and Sue. John treats Sue horribly. We were on a hike and she was having breathing problems. John said, "she's fine", told her to stop slowing every done and turned his back on her. John will insult and belittle her. I asked Brian, have you ever talked to John about the way he treats Sue? He said no. I said, if John hit Sue, would you do something? Oh, of course, he said. My point is, there is nothing wrong with physical corrections per se. A spanking might be less painful than no internet access for a week. The question to ask is whether it's a matter of correcting the child's bad behavior or is the child being abused. A parent can spank or use the strap without being abusive. And a parent can be very abusive without ever laying a hand on the child. A second comment…. why is it that these days people are so highly opposed to *physical* corrections, when a psychological one can be as bad or worse? To explain what I mean, let me give an example. My friend Brian hangs out with a group of people that includes a married couple, John and Sue. John treats Sue horribly. We were on a hike and she was having breathing problems. John said, “she’s fine”, told her to stop slowing every done and turned his back on her. John will insult and belittle her. I asked Brian, have you ever talked to John about the way he treats Sue? He said no. I said, if John hit Sue, would you do something? Oh, of course, he said. My point is, there is nothing wrong with physical corrections per se. A spanking might be less painful than no internet access for a week. The question to ask is whether it’s a matter of correcting the child’s bad behavior or is the child being abused. A parent can spank or use the strap without being abusive. And a parent can be very abusive without ever laying a hand on the child.

]]> By: Ray http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/comment-page-2/#comment-5233 Ray Thu, 08 Nov 2007 16:21:00 +0000 http://donnysramblings.wordpress.com/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/#comment-5233 A second comment.... why is it that these days people are so highly opposed to *physical* corrections, when a psychological one can be as bad or worse? To explain what I mean, let me give an example. My friend Brian hangs out with a group of people that includes a married couple, John and Sue. John treats Sue horribly. We were on a hike and she was having breathing problems. John said, "she's fine", told her to stop slowing every done and turned his back on her. John will insult and belittle her. I asked Brian, have you ever talked to John about the way he treats Sue? He said no. I said, if John hit Sue, would you do something? Oh, of course, he said. My point is, there is nothing wrong with physical corrections per se. A spanking might be less painful than no internet access for a week. The question to ask is whether it's a matter of correcting the child's bad behavior or is the child being abused. A parent can spank or use the strap without being abusive. And a parent can be very abusive without ever laying a hand on the child. A second comment…. why is it that these days people are so highly opposed to *physical* corrections, when a psychological one can be as bad or worse? To explain what I mean, let me give an example. My friend Brian hangs out with a group of people that includes a married couple, John and Sue. John treats Sue horribly. We were on a hike and she was having breathing problems. John said, “she’s fine”, told her to stop slowing every done and turned his back on her. John will insult and belittle her. I asked Brian, have you ever talked to John about the way he treats Sue? He said no. I said, if John hit Sue, would you do something? Oh, of course, he said. My point is, there is nothing wrong with physical corrections per se. A spanking might be less painful than no internet access for a week. The question to ask is whether it’s a matter of correcting the child’s bad behavior or is the child being abused. A parent can spank or use the strap without being abusive. And a parent can be very abusive without ever laying a hand on the child.

]]> By: Ray http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/comment-page-2/#comment-763 Ray Thu, 08 Nov 2007 15:52:57 +0000 http://donnysramblings.wordpress.com/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/#comment-763 It's great that your son is so well behaved. However, it doesn't mean that your way of raising him is right for every child. Children are different and they require different types of corrections. For some a spanking is needed to get the point across. I was a child that, like your son, wanted to please adults. If they asked me to do something, I'd do it. My brother was the opposite. He needed tough love. He didn't have much self control or desire to please and got into every kind of trouble. In retrospect he has told my parents that they weren't hard enough on him. For some children, pleasing adults simply isn't enough motivation. Don't generalize from one case what is best for every child. It’s great that your son is so well behaved. However, it doesn’t mean that your way of raising him is right for every child. Children are different and they require different types of corrections. For some a spanking is needed to get the point across. I was a child that, like your son, wanted to please adults. If they asked me to do something, I’d do it. My brother was the opposite. He needed tough love. He didn’t have much self control or desire to please and got into every kind of trouble. In retrospect he has told my parents that they weren’t hard enough on him. For some children, pleasing adults simply isn’t enough motivation. Don’t generalize from one case what is best for every child.

]]> By: Ray http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/comment-page-2/#comment-5232 Ray Thu, 08 Nov 2007 15:52:00 +0000 http://donnysramblings.wordpress.com/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/#comment-5232 It's great that your son is so well behaved. However, it doesn't mean that your way of raising him is right for every child. Children are different and they require different types of corrections. For some a spanking is needed to get the point across. I was a child that, like your son, wanted to please adults. If they asked me to do something, I'd do it. My brother was the opposite. He needed tough love. He didn't have much self control or desire to please and got into every kind of trouble. In retrospect he has told my parents that they weren't hard enough on him. For some children, pleasing adults simply isn't enough motivation. Don't generalize from one case what is best for every child. It’s great that your son is so well behaved. However, it doesn’t mean that your way of raising him is right for every child. Children are different and they require different types of corrections. For some a spanking is needed to get the point across. I was a child that, like your son, wanted to please adults. If they asked me to do something, I’d do it. My brother was the opposite. He needed tough love. He didn’t have much self control or desire to please and got into every kind of trouble. In retrospect he has told my parents that they weren’t hard enough on him. For some children, pleasing adults simply isn’t enough motivation. Don’t generalize from one case what is best for every child.

]]> By: Donna http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/comment-page-2/#comment-762 Donna Wed, 28 Mar 2007 00:47:34 +0000 http://donnysramblings.wordpress.com/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/#comment-762 Hey, I just read your article. You make a good point, however you also appear to have only one child. You may find that your next child is nothing like Caden. My older sister, younger brother and I were disciplined growing up. While our parents definately weren't adversed to spanking us, they did try to attain the desired behavior without spanking. My younger brother and I were the types of children who simply knowing we had disappointed our parents was more of a punishment to us than grounding us or spanking....him moreso than I. I remember when he was about 3 or so, he just wouldn't stay in bed even though it was quite late....both of us have ADHD and bedtime has always been a bit of a struggle. Anyway our mom told him very calmly "you need to stay in this bed for the rest of the night. Don't get out of bed again until morning." The next morning he had wet the bed and Mom asked him "didn't you know you had to go potty" since he was potty trained by then and usually was good at getting up to go at night if needed, and he very innocently said "yes, but you told me not to get out of bed again until morning." There had been no threat of punishment....no yelling, and no fear on my brother's part. Simply a child wanting to obey, but a bit confused about what the instructions meant (he's in his 20's now and still has a tendency to take everyting someone says litterally). I wasn't quite as quick to want to obey, but I did come along. One thing my dad did do was to always make sure that we understood exactly why we couldn't do something, or why something needed to be done. If it was a bad program on TV, he would say to turn it off, but once it was off, he'd make sure that we understood why that program wasn't allowed. That went a long way with me as a child, but I still felt the effect of his belt a few times, but those were my fault as my dad only ever spanked any of us for three things: 1) Lying. There was no warning with this one. 2) Deliberate disobediance (when we knew what we were to do and CHOSE not to do it) 3) repeat offenses after we've been told what we should do, and why. Our older sister was nothing like us, she continued to be spanked up until she was 16 (mostly for repeat offenses and deliberate disobediance)and finally decided to try things our parent's way. I think my last spanking was probably delieverd sometime when I was 8 or 9, and my brother.....I don't think he's been spanked since he was 4 or so. This wasn't the result of our parents changing the rules or how they responded to us...but it was the result of us children and how we responded to the rules and to our dad talking to us about the rules. A friend of mine often jokes that my brother and I probably watched what happened with our sister and made up our minds that we weren't going to be put in that position. Also my dad was never abusive with spanking. They were always done in our bedrooms so there was privacy. And prior to every spanking, dad would talk with us, remind us why we were being spanked, and offer us the chance to offer any explanation that we thought might change his mind about the punishment (I actually succeeded at this once, and only once when I was late comming home. As it wasn't the first time, I was going to be spanked, but I told my dad [the truth] that the chain on my bike had broken and I had to walk home rather than ride my bike, thus it took longer. There was no punishment, just a really short talk about perhaps I didn't want to cut my timming quite that close in the future). As for me, when I have kids I will do what works for them. In my own family growing up I have seen that not every kid NEEDS to be spanked to be compliant with the rules....and not every kid will respond to only talking / using logic...and some are right in the middle, wanting to do good, but not able to resist doing wrong without a "reminder". So I can't say that I'll absolutely never spank my children, and I can't say that spanking is the only right form of discipline. Hey, I just read your article. You make a good point, however you also appear to have only one child. You may find that your next child is nothing like Caden.

My older sister, younger brother and I were disciplined growing up. While our parents definately weren’t adversed to spanking us, they did try to attain the desired behavior without spanking. My younger brother and I were the types of children who simply knowing we had disappointed our parents was more of a punishment to us than grounding us or spanking….him moreso than I. I remember when he was about 3 or so, he just wouldn’t stay in bed even though it was quite late….both of us have ADHD and bedtime has always been a bit of a struggle. Anyway our mom told him very calmly “you need to stay in this bed for the rest of the night. Don’t get out of bed again until morning.” The next morning he had wet the bed and Mom asked him “didn’t you know you had to go potty” since he was potty trained by then and usually was good at getting up to go at night if needed, and he very innocently said “yes, but you told me not to get out of bed again until morning.” There had been no threat of punishment….no yelling, and no fear on my brother’s part. Simply a child wanting to obey, but a bit confused about what the instructions meant (he’s in his 20′s now and still has a tendency to take everyting someone says litterally).

I wasn’t quite as quick to want to obey, but I did come along. One thing my dad did do was to always make sure that we understood exactly why we couldn’t do something, or why something needed to be done. If it was a bad program on TV, he would say to turn it off, but once it was off, he’d make sure that we understood why that program wasn’t allowed. That went a long way with me as a child, but I still felt the effect of his belt a few times, but those were my fault as my dad only ever spanked any of us for three things: 1) Lying. There was no warning with this one. 2) Deliberate disobediance (when we knew what we were to do and CHOSE not to do it) 3) repeat offenses after we’ve been told what we should do, and why.

Our older sister was nothing like us, she continued to be spanked up until she was 16 (mostly for repeat offenses and deliberate disobediance)and finally decided to try things our parent’s way.

I think my last spanking was probably delieverd sometime when I was 8 or 9, and my brother…..I don’t think he’s been spanked since he was 4 or so. This wasn’t the result of our parents changing the rules or how they responded to us…but it was the result of us children and how we responded to the rules and to our dad talking to us about the rules. A friend of mine often jokes that my brother and I probably watched what happened with our sister and made up our minds that we weren’t going to be put in that position.

Also my dad was never abusive with spanking. They were always done in our bedrooms so there was privacy. And prior to every spanking, dad would talk with us, remind us why we were being spanked, and offer us the chance to offer any explanation that we thought might change his mind about the punishment (I actually succeeded at this once, and only once when I was late comming home. As it wasn’t the first time, I was going to be spanked, but I told my dad [the truth] that the chain on my bike had broken and I had to walk home rather than ride my bike, thus it took longer. There was no punishment, just a really short talk about perhaps I didn’t want to cut my timming quite that close in the future).

As for me, when I have kids I will do what works for them. In my own family growing up I have seen that not every kid NEEDS to be spanked to be compliant with the rules….and not every kid will respond to only talking / using logic…and some are right in the middle, wanting to do good, but not able to resist doing wrong without a “reminder”. So I can’t say that I’ll absolutely never spank my children, and I can’t say that spanking is the only right form of discipline.

]]> By: Donna http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/comment-page-2/#comment-5231 Donna Wed, 28 Mar 2007 00:47:00 +0000 http://donnysramblings.wordpress.com/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/#comment-5231 Hey, I just read your article. You make a good point, however you also appear to have only one child. You may find that your next child is nothing like Caden. My older sister, younger brother and I were disciplined growing up. While our parents definately weren't adversed to spanking us, they did try to attain the desired behavior without spanking. My younger brother and I were the types of children who simply knowing we had disappointed our parents was more of a punishment to us than grounding us or spanking....him moreso than I. I remember when he was about 3 or so, he just wouldn't stay in bed even though it was quite late....both of us have ADHD and bedtime has always been a bit of a struggle. Anyway our mom told him very calmly "you need to stay in this bed for the rest of the night. Don't get out of bed again until morning." The next morning he had wet the bed and Mom asked him "didn't you know you had to go potty" since he was potty trained by then and usually was good at getting up to go at night if needed, and he very innocently said "yes, but you told me not to get out of bed again until morning." There had been no threat of punishment....no yelling, and no fear on my brother's part. Simply a child wanting to obey, but a bit confused about what the instructions meant (he's in his 20's now and still has a tendency to take everyting someone says litterally). I wasn't quite as quick to want to obey, but I did come along. One thing my dad did do was to always make sure that we understood exactly why we couldn't do something, or why something needed to be done. If it was a bad program on TV, he would say to turn it off, but once it was off, he'd make sure that we understood why that program wasn't allowed. That went a long way with me as a child, but I still felt the effect of his belt a few times, but those were my fault as my dad only ever spanked any of us for three things: 1) Lying. There was no warning with this one. 2) Deliberate disobediance (when we knew what we were to do and CHOSE not to do it) 3) repeat offenses after we've been told what we should do, and why. Our older sister was nothing like us, she continued to be spanked up until she was 16 (mostly for repeat offenses and deliberate disobediance)and finally decided to try things our parent's way. I think my last spanking was probably delieverd sometime when I was 8 or 9, and my brother.....I don't think he's been spanked since he was 4 or so. This wasn't the result of our parents changing the rules or how they responded to us...but it was the result of us children and how we responded to the rules and to our dad talking to us about the rules. A friend of mine often jokes that my brother and I probably watched what happened with our sister and made up our minds that we weren't going to be put in that position. Also my dad was never abusive with spanking. They were always done in our bedrooms so there was privacy. And prior to every spanking, dad would talk with us, remind us why we were being spanked, and offer us the chance to offer any explanation that we thought might change his mind about the punishment (I actually succeeded at this once, and only once when I was late comming home. As it wasn't the first time, I was going to be spanked, but I told my dad [the truth] that the chain on my bike had broken and I had to walk home rather than ride my bike, thus it took longer. There was no punishment, just a really short talk about perhaps I didn't want to cut my timming quite that close in the future). As for me, when I have kids I will do what works for them. In my own family growing up I have seen that not every kid NEEDS to be spanked to be compliant with the rules....and not every kid will respond to only talking / using logic...and some are right in the middle, wanting to do good, but not able to resist doing wrong without a "reminder". So I can't say that I'll absolutely never spank my children, and I can't say that spanking is the only right form of discipline. Hey, I just read your article. You make a good point, however you also appear to have only one child. You may find that your next child is nothing like Caden.

My older sister, younger brother and I were disciplined growing up. While our parents definately weren’t adversed to spanking us, they did try to attain the desired behavior without spanking. My younger brother and I were the types of children who simply knowing we had disappointed our parents was more of a punishment to us than grounding us or spanking….him moreso than I. I remember when he was about 3 or so, he just wouldn’t stay in bed even though it was quite late….both of us have ADHD and bedtime has always been a bit of a struggle. Anyway our mom told him very calmly “you need to stay in this bed for the rest of the night. Don’t get out of bed again until morning.” The next morning he had wet the bed and Mom asked him “didn’t you know you had to go potty” since he was potty trained by then and usually was good at getting up to go at night if needed, and he very innocently said “yes, but you told me not to get out of bed again until morning.” There had been no threat of punishment….no yelling, and no fear on my brother’s part. Simply a child wanting to obey, but a bit confused about what the instructions meant (he’s in his 20′s now and still has a tendency to take everyting someone says litterally).

I wasn’t quite as quick to want to obey, but I did come along. One thing my dad did do was to always make sure that we understood exactly why we couldn’t do something, or why something needed to be done. If it was a bad program on TV, he would say to turn it off, but once it was off, he’d make sure that we understood why that program wasn’t allowed. That went a long way with me as a child, but I still felt the effect of his belt a few times, but those were my fault as my dad only ever spanked any of us for three things: 1) Lying. There was no warning with this one. 2) Deliberate disobediance (when we knew what we were to do and CHOSE not to do it) 3) repeat offenses after we’ve been told what we should do, and why.

Our older sister was nothing like us, she continued to be spanked up until she was 16 (mostly for repeat offenses and deliberate disobediance)and finally decided to try things our parent’s way.

I think my last spanking was probably delieverd sometime when I was 8 or 9, and my brother…..I don’t think he’s been spanked since he was 4 or so. This wasn’t the result of our parents changing the rules or how they responded to us…but it was the result of us children and how we responded to the rules and to our dad talking to us about the rules. A friend of mine often jokes that my brother and I probably watched what happened with our sister and made up our minds that we weren’t going to be put in that position.

Also my dad was never abusive with spanking. They were always done in our bedrooms so there was privacy. And prior to every spanking, dad would talk with us, remind us why we were being spanked, and offer us the chance to offer any explanation that we thought might change his mind about the punishment (I actually succeeded at this once, and only once when I was late comming home. As it wasn’t the first time, I was going to be spanked, but I told my dad [the truth] that the chain on my bike had broken and I had to walk home rather than ride my bike, thus it took longer. There was no punishment, just a really short talk about perhaps I didn’t want to cut my timming quite that close in the future).

As for me, when I have kids I will do what works for them. In my own family growing up I have seen that not every kid NEEDS to be spanked to be compliant with the rules….and not every kid will respond to only talking / using logic…and some are right in the middle, wanting to do good, but not able to resist doing wrong without a “reminder”. So I can’t say that I’ll absolutely never spank my children, and I can’t say that spanking is the only right form of discipline.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/comment-page-2/#comment-761 Anonymous Sun, 14 Jan 2007 08:16:46 +0000 http://donnysramblings.wordpress.com/2006/12/16/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child/#comment-761 People who quote the Bible to justify hitting other people are ignoring everything that we have learned about child development and parenting since the time of Solomon. Besides, Why would anyone take parenting advice from solomon: He got pleasure from the torture of people. Besides, according to many Christians, the suggested law of the old testiment no longer needs to be upheld. This is why we frown upon the stoning of people and why we can eat pork. So why do the same Christians advocate spanking? I'll tell you why. It is because they are obsessed with control. (Like James Dobson, and other's like him ) Obviously, they have a problem, but can't fathom the reality of their problem. There is nothing loving about hitting or causing someone else to have pain. <br />From, Liam_Turley@hotmail.com People who quote the Bible to justify hitting other people are ignoring everything that we have learned about child development and parenting since the time of Solomon. Besides, Why would anyone take parenting advice from solomon: He got pleasure from the torture of people. Besides, according to many Christians, the suggested law of the old testiment no longer needs to be upheld. This is why we frown upon the stoning of people and why we can eat pork. So why do the same Christians advocate spanking? I’ll tell you why. It is because they are obsessed with control. (Like James Dobson, and other’s like him ) Obviously, they have a problem, but can’t fathom the reality of their problem. There is nothing loving about hitting or causing someone else to have pain.
From, Liam_Turley@hotmail.com

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