I am a former model for you, I do not want to use my name because of what I experienced with that, but I did want to comment. I have been reading your blog for a few months, and I am very impressed. I’ll admit, I was shocked at first just because I stumbled upon your blog and was like “whoa”.

I found this post exceptionally personal, to me at least, because if you remember my “finding out” involved some very damaging events involving my boyfriend, and some friends of his. Like so many other young women, it made my life a living hell. And like I’m sure you realize now, most women posing for you were already going through a personal hell that had brought them there.

I am very sorry for what you are going through, in a way, I’ve been there. It seems almost ironic that 2 years ago you were telling me that my boyfriend should be more open-minded and concilatory to me posing.

What I learned from the experience was that it made me a stronger individual, and I hope (as it seems it has) that it does the same for you. Even then, I knew you were an extremely GOOD person, something I could never explain to anyone else adequately when asked, but I myself knew to be true.

God Bless,

J

Here you share a very real situation, that the depraved heart considers and thinks it can get away with.

Any relationships we have in Christ, are ultimately to bring glory to Him. Whether they be friends, family and especially in marriage. Thus, any “intrusion” by an outside force, such as in sharing a most intimate relationship, which in marriage is suppose to reflect a set apart relationship with Christ and His Church, the Bride, brings down upon it devastation. Thus, even outside of Christ, such relationships if not guarded and respected would do the same. Here compromise is a tool of the enemy.

First you allowed it in your marriage, by allowing immorality or sexual intrusion into it, then in that new relationship with Belinda. Though the details are different, the act and result are the same. Devastation and broken hearts.

Any time Israel allowed impurity or anything else, marriage to those they should not have married according to God’s instructions, idolatry, a king to rule them, Solomon’s concubines and wives from among Israel’s neighbors, Abrahams extended relationship with Hagar, etc., it always became a snare, a cause for compromise, a very bad and poor illustration of total devotion to God. The result was a split nation between Judah and Israel, the eternal battle between the brothers of Islam and Jews, being overrun by the neighbors, taken into captivity, spiritual down spiral into idolatry, powerlessness, etc.

Certainly, one thing you can come away with in all of this from a practical level, is that the marriage bed should be kept pure and set apart from the rest of the world and from a spiritual level, never let anything get between you and God.

Of course this is all hind sight, but from all that you’ve shared, I know God has been revealing His best to you…even with a broken heart.

Thank you so much for verifying God’s word one more time…in your life. However, as the cliche goes, God hasn’t brought you this far to let you down. Thus, He is building character in you through it all.

People are getting revelation from this, and especially men, who tend to be the ones who don’t think they need to stop and ask for directions.

Love you brother and still praying God’s very best for you.

None of the commenters have likely ever been where you are or experienced what you’ve experienced. Though God does forgive us of our complete and utter failings, He also knows us. And part of that means he knows what it takes to help us heal from the self inflicted wounds. If writing helps you get past it then write. Screw what others say. David wrote remorsefully about his sin too. I’m not suggesting you dwell and this be the topic of your posts from now on, but deal with it the way you must. Everyone else will just have to accept it or get over it themselves.

Thanks for the podcast recommendation. I subscribed to it and am downloading from it now. Then I’ll sync to my iPod and listen while I drive around today.

Thanks again!

I also want to say that you’re definitely one of my heros! I’m really sorry for the pain caused, that you’re suffering through.

I know you don’t need any bible-bashing, and I don’t mean to get unnecessarily spiritual (or whatever), but the bible speaks so much about adultery and I guess we’ve just gotten to see a glimpse of the pain caused by it. Sorry it had to be at your expense.

Know you’ve got a lot of people thinking about, and praying, for you. Your story, and blog posts, are more of an inspiration than you know.

God bless, Ross.

1. If the game is what resulted in you turning back to God, it might be the best (yet still the worst) thing that ever happened to you. That’s how i view my parent’s divorce.

2. No way to just turn guilt off. Yes, we are forgiven and there are times we need to claim that forgiveness in spite of our feelings. But to feel big guilt over big sin is normal, and I think even acceptable as long as it doesn’t paralyze us.

3. you are living example of reaping what you’ve sown. the good news is you are now sowing many good things, and will experience the fruit of it if you persevere.

thanks for not sugarcoating things. sin can lead to very ugly consequences and being a christian doesn’t mean life will instantly be peachy and all those consequences will go away. Ever see the movie ‘Magnolia’? I love that movie because it’s really all about the consequences of sin. God bless – good things are headed your way.

Dave

that being said, I think you did a fabulous job of introducing the story, that it killed my desire to read it. I want to encourage you to give such a strong preview to all of your graphic stories.

Thank you.