Comments on: Counseling, Every Man's Battle, and About That Ex-Wife http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/ The Blog of Donny Pauling: former porn producer, changed by Grace and Love... Mon, 15 Mar 2010 20:50:25 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Oceanskaterhttp://unveiledfaces.org/wordpress/ http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/comment-page-1/#comment-941 Oceanskaterhttp://unveiledfaces.org/wordpress/ Wed, 07 Feb 2007 02:53:06 +0000 http://donnysramblings.wordpress.com/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/#comment-941 Hi, Donny,<br /><br />I haven't been able to read in awhile. It's so great to hear about your experiences with New Life. I absolutely love that ministry and all they have done to help restore marriages and change lives.<br /><br />And thanks for being honest "about that ex-wife". I've wondered myself whether you'd consider reconciling, and am glad to hear that while you've thought about it, you want to work on yourself before jumping into anything. I went to years of secular counseling and 3 years of intense Christian counseling in order to jumpstart my own healing, and I would do it again in a heartbeat if it were necessary. It's one of the best investments I made in my life.<br /><br />Take care. You're in my prayers. Hi, Donny,

I haven’t been able to read in awhile. It’s so great to hear about your experiences with New Life. I absolutely love that ministry and all they have done to help restore marriages and change lives.

And thanks for being honest “about that ex-wife”. I’ve wondered myself whether you’d consider reconciling, and am glad to hear that while you’ve thought about it, you want to work on yourself before jumping into anything. I went to years of secular counseling and 3 years of intense Christian counseling in order to jumpstart my own healing, and I would do it again in a heartbeat if it were necessary. It’s one of the best investments I made in my life.

Take care. You’re in my prayers.

]]> By: Daniel Mendezwww.myspace.com/broadcastpraise http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/comment-page-1/#comment-940 Daniel Mendezwww.myspace.com/broadcastpraise Fri, 26 Jan 2007 23:23:27 +0000 http://donnysramblings.wordpress.com/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/#comment-940 Dear Donny,<br />I won't comment on the first two items except to say they moved me and at one point, to tears. Can't explain it here. But the last part, about your ex-wife, I just wanted to say, that you never know. What you had with Belinda, though special, was built on a false premise or foundation. <br /><br />What you had with your wife Wendy on the other hand...and even now, was built on marriage and a commitment before God, whether you cared about God or not. Listen, as per whether you're worthy of her love or she having someone better than you...let’s take this further. None of us deserves God’s love, none of us is worthy of it, yet He lavishes us with His love. <br /><br />Is He mistaken for doing so. Is our pride such that we don’t think He’s got it right in loving us despite our failures, sins, and everything else that nailed Him to the cross. If reconciliation was possible, then that’s an example of God’s love, God’s forgiveness, God’s healing...these are things your son can learn from, about how God works. Who’s to say that Wendy isn’t a visible representation of God’s love to you, a grace to heal.<br /><br />You won’t get it all right, and you’ll have to keep working at every aspect of reconciliation and healing and love. Hey, I believe it’s possible...no I believe it can and should be. Now it only takes both hearts pursuing God for an understanding of His purposes and direction. What better full circle would this be. Anyway, it is certainly more than an ideal, but a possibility...in God...in His time...in His way. Whether it happens or not, brother, I am with you all the way and would love to celebrate it with you, should God deem it as His purpose...hey, I’ll be praying that your first reconciliation with God, take priority and as you seek Him first and His kingdom, that all these things should and can be added, to the glory of God.<br /><br /><br />1 John 3:1-3<br /><br />SEE WHAT [an incredible] quality of love the Father has given (shown, bestowed on) us, that we should [be permitted to] be named and called and counted the children of God! And so we are! The reason that the world does not know (recognize, acknowledge) us is that it does not know (recognize, acknowledge) Him.<br /> <br />Beloved, we are [even here and] now God's children; it is not yet disclosed (made clear) what we shall be [hereafter], but we know that when He comes and is manifested, we shall [as God's children] resemble and be like Him, for we shall see Him just as He [really] is. <br /><br />And everyone who has this hope [resting] on Him cleanses (purifies) himself just as He is pure (chaste, undefiled, guiltless). Amplified Bible<br /><br />Love you brother and praying for you.<br />Your friend, <br />Daniel Mendez<br />For www.myspace.com/broadcastpraise Dear Donny,
I won’t comment on the first two items except to say they moved me and at one point, to tears. Can’t explain it here. But the last part, about your ex-wife, I just wanted to say, that you never know. What you had with Belinda, though special, was built on a false premise or foundation.

What you had with your wife Wendy on the other hand…and even now, was built on marriage and a commitment before God, whether you cared about God or not. Listen, as per whether you’re worthy of her love or she having someone better than you…let’s take this further. None of us deserves God’s love, none of us is worthy of it, yet He lavishes us with His love.

Is He mistaken for doing so. Is our pride such that we don’t think He’s got it right in loving us despite our failures, sins, and everything else that nailed Him to the cross. If reconciliation was possible, then that’s an example of God’s love, God’s forgiveness, God’s healing…these are things your son can learn from, about how God works. Who’s to say that Wendy isn’t a visible representation of God’s love to you, a grace to heal.

You won’t get it all right, and you’ll have to keep working at every aspect of reconciliation and healing and love. Hey, I believe it’s possible…no I believe it can and should be. Now it only takes both hearts pursuing God for an understanding of His purposes and direction. What better full circle would this be. Anyway, it is certainly more than an ideal, but a possibility…in God…in His time…in His way. Whether it happens or not, brother, I am with you all the way and would love to celebrate it with you, should God deem it as His purpose…hey, I’ll be praying that your first reconciliation with God, take priority and as you seek Him first and His kingdom, that all these things should and can be added, to the glory of God.

1 John 3:1-3

SEE WHAT [an incredible] quality of love the Father has given (shown, bestowed on) us, that we should [be permitted to] be named and called and counted the children of God! And so we are! The reason that the world does not know (recognize, acknowledge) us is that it does not know (recognize, acknowledge) Him.

Beloved, we are [even here and] now God’s children; it is not yet disclosed (made clear) what we shall be [hereafter], but we know that when He comes and is manifested, we shall [as God's children] resemble and be like Him, for we shall see Him just as He [really] is.

And everyone who has this hope [resting] on Him cleanses (purifies) himself just as He is pure (chaste, undefiled, guiltless). Amplified Bible

Love you brother and praying for you.
Your friend,
Daniel Mendez
For http://www.myspace.com/broadcastpraise

]]> By: Donny Pauling http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/comment-page-1/#comment-939 Donny Pauling Fri, 26 Jan 2007 13:46:56 +0000 http://donnysramblings.wordpress.com/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/#comment-939 Daniel,<br /><br />I just read what you posted. It brought me to tears. Actually, that would be better described as making me weep. It was really good and the timing was perfect. I just finished reading out of Acts and was praying and communicating with God. What you've written goes hand in hand with both where I am and what I've been talking to God about.<br /><br />Thank you.<br /><br />- Donny - Daniel,

I just read what you posted. It brought me to tears. Actually, that would be better described as making me weep. It was really good and the timing was perfect. I just finished reading out of Acts and was praying and communicating with God. What you’ve written goes hand in hand with both where I am and what I’ve been talking to God about.

Thank you.

- Donny -

]]> By: Daniel Mendezwww.myspace.com/broadcastpraise http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/comment-page-1/#comment-938 Daniel Mendezwww.myspace.com/broadcastpraise Fri, 26 Jan 2007 13:42:24 +0000 http://donnysramblings.wordpress.com/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/#comment-938 Dear Donny,<br />I won't comment on the first two items except to say they moved me and at one point, to tears. Can't explain it here. But the last part, about your ex-wife, I just wanted to say, that you never know. What you had with Belinda, though special, was built on a false premise or foundation. <br /><br />What you had with your wife Wendy on the other hand...and even now, was built on marriage and a commitment before God, whether you cared about God or not. Listen, as per whether you're worthy of her love or she having someone better than you...let’s take this further. None of us deserves God’s love, none of us is worthy of it, yet He lavishes us with His love. <br /><br />Is He mistaken for doing so. Is our pride such that we don’t think He’s got it right in loving us despite our failures, sins, and everything else that nailed Him to the cross. If reconciliation was possible, then that’s an example of God’s love, God’s forgiveness, God’s healing...these are things your son can learn from, about how God works. Who’s to say that Wendy isn’t a visible representation of God’s love to you, a grace to heal.<br /><br />You won’t get it all right, and you’ll have to keep working at every aspect of reconciliation and healing and love. Hey, I believe it’s possible...no I believe it can and should be. Now it only takes both hearts pursuing God for an understanding of His purposes and direction. What better full circle would this be. Anyway, it is certainly more than an ideal, but a possibility...in God...in His time...in His way. Whether it happens or not, brother, I am with you all the way and would love to celebrate it with you, should God deem it as His purpose...hey, I’ll be praying that your first reconciliation with God, take priority and as you seek Him first and His kingdom, that all these things should and can be added, to the glory of God.<br /><br /><br />1 John 3:1-3<br /><br />SEE WHAT [an incredible] quality of love the Father has given (shown, bestowed on) us, that we should [be permitted to] be named and called and counted the children of God! And so we are! The reason that the world does not know (recognize, acknowledge) us is that it does not know (recognize, acknowledge) Him.<br /> <br />Beloved, we are [even here and] now God's children; it is not yet disclosed (made clear) what we shall be [hereafter], but we know that when He comes and is manifested, we shall [as God's children] resemble and be like Him, for we shall see Him just as He [really] is. <br /><br />And everyone who has this hope [resting] on Him cleanses (purifies) himself just as He is pure (chaste, undefiled, guiltless). Amplified Bible<br /><br />Love you brother and praying for you.<br />Your friend, <br />Daniel Mendez<br />For www.myspace.com/broadcastpraise Dear Donny,
I won’t comment on the first two items except to say they moved me and at one point, to tears. Can’t explain it here. But the last part, about your ex-wife, I just wanted to say, that you never know. What you had with Belinda, though special, was built on a false premise or foundation.

What you had with your wife Wendy on the other hand…and even now, was built on marriage and a commitment before God, whether you cared about God or not. Listen, as per whether you’re worthy of her love or she having someone better than you…let’s take this further. None of us deserves God’s love, none of us is worthy of it, yet He lavishes us with His love.

Is He mistaken for doing so. Is our pride such that we don’t think He’s got it right in loving us despite our failures, sins, and everything else that nailed Him to the cross. If reconciliation was possible, then that’s an example of God’s love, God’s forgiveness, God’s healing…these are things your son can learn from, about how God works. Who’s to say that Wendy isn’t a visible representation of God’s love to you, a grace to heal.

You won’t get it all right, and you’ll have to keep working at every aspect of reconciliation and healing and love. Hey, I believe it’s possible…no I believe it can and should be. Now it only takes both hearts pursuing God for an understanding of His purposes and direction. What better full circle would this be. Anyway, it is certainly more than an ideal, but a possibility…in God…in His time…in His way. Whether it happens or not, brother, I am with you all the way and would love to celebrate it with you, should God deem it as His purpose…hey, I’ll be praying that your first reconciliation with God, take priority and as you seek Him first and His kingdom, that all these things should and can be added, to the glory of God.

1 John 3:1-3

SEE WHAT [an incredible] quality of love the Father has given (shown, bestowed on) us, that we should [be permitted to] be named and called and counted the children of God! And so we are! The reason that the world does not know (recognize, acknowledge) us is that it does not know (recognize, acknowledge) Him.

Beloved, we are [even here and] now God’s children; it is not yet disclosed (made clear) what we shall be [hereafter], but we know that when He comes and is manifested, we shall [as God's children] resemble and be like Him, for we shall see Him just as He [really] is.

And everyone who has this hope [resting] on Him cleanses (purifies) himself just as He is pure (chaste, undefiled, guiltless). Amplified Bible

Love you brother and praying for you.
Your friend,
Daniel Mendez
For http://www.myspace.com/broadcastpraise

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/comment-page-1/#comment-937 Anonymous Fri, 26 Jan 2007 03:24:54 +0000 http://donnysramblings.wordpress.com/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/#comment-937 Donny, <br />This is Emily from Myspace who asked you to think about some of the people on your page... I just wanted to say that I fully agree with what "fromhisrib" said. And also as Christians we don't have to feel so threatened by thoughts because in Christ we have authority to take our thoughts captive. Often it seems that God allows thoughts to come into my mind because he wants me to release it to Him. It may be something I haven't thought about in a long time, but in a way He is showing me, Emily, give this to me--I will heal you, I want that place in your heart too. Our tendency to to run from our thoughts, but God gave us a memory for some reason. Our thoughts are not sin, but we can chose to sin based on how we handle them. Remember you have been given all authority in Christ Jesus and there is no longer reason to fear the past. Let Him love you. Donny,
This is Emily from Myspace who asked you to think about some of the people on your page… I just wanted to say that I fully agree with what “fromhisrib” said. And also as Christians we don’t have to feel so threatened by thoughts because in Christ we have authority to take our thoughts captive. Often it seems that God allows thoughts to come into my mind because he wants me to release it to Him. It may be something I haven’t thought about in a long time, but in a way He is showing me, Emily, give this to me–I will heal you, I want that place in your heart too. Our tendency to to run from our thoughts, but God gave us a memory for some reason. Our thoughts are not sin, but we can chose to sin based on how we handle them. Remember you have been given all authority in Christ Jesus and there is no longer reason to fear the past. Let Him love you.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/comment-page-1/#comment-936 Anonymous Thu, 25 Jan 2007 08:23:06 +0000 http://donnysramblings.wordpress.com/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/#comment-936 Hello Donny,<br /><br />You may remember me from Saturday night @ the EMB weekend. I was one that you and Sam prayed with after your testimony. Thank you for sharing your heart with us and the reality of an industry that is not what it appears to be. You were truly a blessing to me and many others I am sure.<br /><br />Troy Hello Donny,

You may remember me from Saturday night @ the EMB weekend. I was one that you and Sam prayed with after your testimony. Thank you for sharing your heart with us and the reality of an industry that is not what it appears to be. You were truly a blessing to me and many others I am sure.

Troy

]]> By: Zach Tanksley http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/comment-page-1/#comment-935 Zach Tanksley Wed, 24 Jan 2007 06:52:22 +0000 http://donnysramblings.wordpress.com/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/#comment-935 Hey Man,<br /><br />1st, it was great to finally meet you on such happenstance, sorry if I disrupted a quiet time, didn't realize that till later. But remembering portions of our conversation, especially the parts about Wendy, just wanted to commend you on being strong enough to work out your own stuff before making them someone elses's burden to share. Sometimes those things really do belong to you and God to work out.<br /><br />Blessings be to you man, look forward to our next random encounter. Hey Man,

1st, it was great to finally meet you on such happenstance, sorry if I disrupted a quiet time, didn’t realize that till later. But remembering portions of our conversation, especially the parts about Wendy, just wanted to commend you on being strong enough to work out your own stuff before making them someone elses’s burden to share. Sometimes those things really do belong to you and God to work out.

Blessings be to you man, look forward to our next random encounter.

]]> By: Riggy Farguswww.myspace.com/riggyfargus http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/comment-page-1/#comment-934 Riggy Farguswww.myspace.com/riggyfargus Wed, 24 Jan 2007 06:52:00 +0000 http://donnysramblings.wordpress.com/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/#comment-934 Donny -<br /><br />Well said re: Wendy. What no one has mentioned is that Caden would be the happiest guy on Earth if you guys ever got back together. But I agree with you - you need to take it slow, process your junk, and just take it a step at a time.<br /><br />On a personal note, I have been doing well staying away from porn and I think I've got myself a little accountability group I think will stick that I am comfortable in. Woo-hoo!!!<br /><br />Riggy Donny -

Well said re: Wendy. What no one has mentioned is that Caden would be the happiest guy on Earth if you guys ever got back together. But I agree with you – you need to take it slow, process your junk, and just take it a step at a time.

On a personal note, I have been doing well staying away from porn and I think I’ve got myself a little accountability group I think will stick that I am comfortable in. Woo-hoo!!!

Riggy

]]> By: Jered http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/comment-page-1/#comment-933 Jered Wed, 24 Jan 2007 06:51:34 +0000 http://donnysramblings.wordpress.com/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/#comment-933 Twofold. Because of your transparency, it seems fair for me to suggest that you have some things to work through, still.<br /><br />But on the flip side, beware of establishing some indeterminate goal of when you and Wendy could be reconciled. In a weird sort of way it's the same logic that keeps people in a cycle that says "if God does this, I'll commit my life to him."<br /><br />Just continue to keep it in prayer, stay accountable, and if and when it is right for you to reconcile with your ex-wife, you will know.<br /><br />You're awesome. Twofold. Because of your transparency, it seems fair for me to suggest that you have some things to work through, still.

But on the flip side, beware of establishing some indeterminate goal of when you and Wendy could be reconciled. In a weird sort of way it’s the same logic that keeps people in a cycle that says “if God does this, I’ll commit my life to him.”

Just continue to keep it in prayer, stay accountable, and if and when it is right for you to reconcile with your ex-wife, you will know.

You’re awesome.

]]> By: Donny Pauling http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/comment-page-1/#comment-932 Donny Pauling Wed, 24 Jan 2007 00:10:39 +0000 http://donnysramblings.wordpress.com/2007/01/23/counseling-every-mans-battle-and-about-that-ex-wife/#comment-932 I love you guys. You're all so awesome. <br /><br />Today has been a great day. Not a single tear. Anytime a memory that would cause pain attempts to enter my mind I push it away.<br /><br />I have to remember to focus on what's important in life: that God wants to use me to help others and that he wants to heal. That is really all that matters. I love you guys. You’re all so awesome.

Today has been a great day. Not a single tear. Anytime a memory that would cause pain attempts to enter my mind I push it away.

I have to remember to focus on what’s important in life: that God wants to use me to help others and that he wants to heal. That is really all that matters.

]]>