Comments on: Personal Costs http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/09/07/personal-costs/ The Blog of Donny Pauling: former porn producer, changed by Grace and Love... Sat, 28 Aug 2010 17:48:19 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Patrick http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/09/07/personal-costs/comment-page-1/#comment-1704 Patrick Thu, 24 Sep 2009 16:29:48 +0000 http://donnysramblings.com/2007/09/07/personal-costs/#comment-1704 Awesome. Linking. Thank you for sharing Donny. Oh, and follow me back on twitter. I am RightBloggerPat, that is following you. :) Awesome. Linking. Thank you for sharing Donny. Oh, and follow me back on twitter. I am RightBloggerPat, that is following you. :)

]]> By: Steve G http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/09/07/personal-costs/comment-page-1/#comment-1703 Steve G Tue, 25 Sep 2007 04:57:55 +0000 http://donnysramblings.com/2007/09/07/personal-costs/#comment-1703 Donny, I serve a God who created the universe, but even bigger than that He healed a relationship broken by porn, prostitutes, affairs and alcoholism...for 8 years I put her throught hell. Through the fog I always knew she was my best friend...she raised our three kids along with God when I was just plain gone, mindless, sick. She was always my rudder in life and when I lost her I went in what ever direction the wind blew...I wandered aimlessly, lost...I knew to much had happened, I did not even know if I could love her again, as a wife and a lover...but this was not about me, this was not about my wife; this was about a family... I have seen my counselors in my recovery and I ask them one question. "Of all the children you have seen from divorce, are there any who do not wish it could have been fixed". Of the probably 15 Dr's and counselors I have asked they have all told me that in every single case, 100% wish it could have been different. Your son needs the two of you to stand strong. In my recovery it is interesting because only people who are not from divorced home will say "oh, kids are resilent" or "oh, the kids will be fine"... My parents are dead now...I never gave up hope of just one more Christmas together...your son will always wonder...he will always hope, in his eyes you will always see it when you drop him off...why not daddy, am I not worth it... Fight for him Donny...You find a way to win that sweetheart of a woman God gave you back to your heart...I did.. Sometimes my wife forgets that I have placed her on a pedistal, sometimes she tries to open a car door her self and I have to remind her, that is my job...yes sometimes she slips from the pedistal and I have to put her back up there...My little boy now opens the door for me and races to get to his mom's door. I remember when we told the kids we were going to work on getting back together. My wife called me that night and told me... "Our son is happier than I have ever seen him." A man in our small group said the other night that he had asked his kids if they were happier after his divorce because the fighting was over and he said my kids said yes. I shared this with my wife and she said "Isn't that like me asking you if this dress makes me look fat?". She was right, funny but right. I remember my dad asking me if I was ok with the divorce, I mean after all my mom was taken ill and was in a rest home. Dad said "A man needs sex" and I said "I just want you to be happy dad"...it was a lie. I am not preaching bro, but it is possible...it is hard, but it is possible and there is one very good reason for you both to do this... Donny,

I serve a God who created the universe, but even bigger than that He healed a relationship broken by porn, prostitutes, affairs and alcoholism…for 8 years I put her throught hell.

Through the fog I always knew she was my best friend…she raised our three kids along with God when I was just plain gone, mindless, sick. She was always my rudder in life and when I lost her I went in what ever direction the wind blew…I wandered aimlessly, lost…I knew to much had happened, I did not even know if I could love her again, as a wife and a lover…but this was not about me, this was not about my wife; this was about a family…

I have seen my counselors in my recovery and I ask them one question. “Of all the children you have seen from divorce, are there any who do not wish it could have been fixed”. Of the probably 15 Dr’s and counselors I have asked they have all told me that in every single case, 100% wish it could have been different.

Your son needs the two of you to stand strong. In my recovery it is interesting because only people who are not from divorced home will say “oh, kids are resilent” or “oh, the kids will be fine”…

My parents are dead now…I never gave up hope of just one more Christmas together…your son will always wonder…he will always hope, in his eyes you will always see it when you drop him off…why not daddy, am I not worth it…

Fight for him Donny…You find a way to win that sweetheart of a woman God gave you back to your heart…I did..

Sometimes my wife forgets that I have placed her on a pedistal, sometimes she tries to open a car door her self and I have to remind her, that is my job…yes sometimes she slips from the pedistal and I have to put her back up there…My little boy now opens the door for me and races to get to his mom’s door.

I remember when we told the kids we were going to work on getting back together. My wife called me that night and told me…

“Our son is happier than I have ever seen him.”

A man in our small group said the other night that he had asked his kids if they were happier after his divorce because the fighting was over and he said my kids said yes. I shared this with my wife and she said “Isn’t that like me asking you if this dress makes me look fat?”. She was right, funny but right.

I remember my dad asking me if I was ok with the divorce, I mean after all my mom was taken ill and was in a rest home. Dad said “A man needs sex” and I said “I just want you to be happy dad”…it was a lie.

I am not preaching bro, but it is possible…it is hard, but it is possible and there is one very good reason for you both to do this…

]]> By: curiousgirl http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/09/07/personal-costs/comment-page-1/#comment-1702 curiousgirl Thu, 13 Sep 2007 09:32:24 +0000 http://donnysramblings.com/2007/09/07/personal-costs/#comment-1702 Donny, As a 32 year old woman who has been married for almost 13 years and has 3 sons, I am curious to know exactly what caused this big epiphany of yours? Granted I haven't read through all of your posts yet so I'm sure it's there somewhere I wanted to know. Personally I like porn. I don't see a problem with it. I watch it or look at it alone and with my husband. Perhaps because I am obviously not into the actual production side of it and I don't feel that there is an addiction issue with it (at least with me), I don't understand the whole "porn is evil" thing. I am a firm believer in to each their own, and I am also a firm "non-believer" in organized religion. My curiosity about your situation has gotten the better of me, and you seem to be very open and honest. Thx!! Donny,

As a 32 year old woman who has been married for almost 13 years and has 3 sons, I am curious to know exactly what caused this big epiphany of yours? Granted I haven’t read through all of your posts yet so I’m sure it’s there somewhere I wanted to know. Personally I like porn. I don’t see a problem with it. I watch it or look at it alone and with my husband. Perhaps because I am obviously not into the actual production side of it and I don’t feel that there is an addiction issue with it (at least with me), I don’t understand the whole “porn is evil” thing. I am a firm believer in to each their own, and I am also a firm “non-believer” in organized religion. My curiosity about your situation has gotten the better of me, and you seem to be very open and honest. Thx!!

]]> By: Donny Pauling http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/09/07/personal-costs/comment-page-1/#comment-1701 Donny Pauling Mon, 10 Sep 2007 22:15:03 +0000 http://donnysramblings.com/2007/09/07/personal-costs/#comment-1701 Ittybittyblog, I don't the link at all. Thank you for posting it. :) - D - Ittybittyblog,

I don’t the link at all. Thank you for posting it. :)

- D -

]]> By: ittybittyblog http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/09/07/personal-costs/comment-page-1/#comment-1700 ittybittyblog Mon, 10 Sep 2007 22:08:57 +0000 http://donnysramblings.com/2007/09/07/personal-costs/#comment-1700 Donny, I don't know you, but I read this post while tag-surfing and it really touched my heart. Thanks for putting your story out there. I posted it on my own blog, hope you don't mind. God Bless Donny,
I don’t know you, but I read this post while tag-surfing and it really touched my heart. Thanks for putting your story out there. I posted it on my own blog, hope you don’t mind.
God Bless

]]> By: Daniel Mendez http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/09/07/personal-costs/comment-page-1/#comment-1699 Daniel Mendez Mon, 10 Sep 2007 07:56:34 +0000 http://donnysramblings.com/2007/09/07/personal-costs/#comment-1699 Dear Donny, When I came to the part where you mentioned that you both had too much baggage, something erupted in my mind to say, "then you need to get a bigger house". Of course all joking aside, as I have been one to believe in a reunion in God's time of course for both of you. It so often the past points and memories of them that keep two people from forging a new path, especially when the fear is that you're vulnerable to fail again. Given the try and try again experience in which you failed to make things right, certainly is ground work that needs to be broken up again, for new pavement to be poured. Would you ever fail again? certainly a potential fear point for Wendy and a vulnerable spot for you. Quoting Job, Job 3:25: "For the thing which I greatly fear comes upon me, and that of which I am afraid befalls me". Earning the right into her heart again, with the past forgiven and sealed, and a no going back policy in your soul, even when things get dry, boring, out of work, fights about other stuff, so that you're not like the disciples who went back to fishing when the Shepherd was gone from the picture - apparently, but not really...then maybe if that is your life goal and determination, then it is something that Wendy could bank on. But you're still human, you could still fail... The core triggering mechanisms that brought yo there before could still be there if not removed - unmasking them as you share like here, help. In any event, taking those chances and risks are what Love is...it is vulnerable, it is not a mechanical automatic thing. A safe things so that walking on egg shells is your lot in life. It is alive, it can get hurt, but it is also all of the things from 1 Cor. 13 and ultimately in Christ, it is God, who helps us in the areas where there is slack. She has certainly worked her way through a lot of that and has most definitely stuck her neck, or better her heart out there again and again. If you could always keep before you that her heart is the lost treasure and that you would do anything, even die to everything to find it again in God's love and time, then maybe, just maybe, you are on your way. You realize the cost to some degree, though she knows it deeper, are you willing to pay an even higher cost to keep her at all costs as long as God is glorified? I think it is in you...I know it is in you, because God has deposited it there, right in your heart. Keep sharing your heart and keep letting the Lord of love heal every part. Let the seeds and ripples of change be just as impactful and even deeper in effect moreso than those which destroyed everything in the first place. Who knows what God might do. Definitely tell your story, love compells you too, even though some in the middle of porn or delving into it, usually pay the hard way as the scales on their eyes and hearts blind them to the truth till it is sometimes too late. God bless you brother and thank you so very much. Dear Donny,
When I came to the part where you mentioned that you both had too much baggage, something erupted in my mind to say, “then you need to get a bigger house”. Of course all joking aside, as I have been one to believe in a reunion in God’s time of course for both of you. It so often the past points and memories of them that keep two people from forging a new path, especially when the fear is that you’re vulnerable to fail again. Given the try and try again experience in which you failed to make things right, certainly is ground work that needs to be broken up again, for new pavement to be poured. Would you ever fail again? certainly a potential fear point for Wendy and a vulnerable spot for you. Quoting Job, Job 3:25:
“For the thing which I greatly fear comes upon me, and that of which I am afraid befalls me”. Earning the right into her heart again, with the past forgiven and sealed, and a no going back policy in your soul, even when things get dry, boring, out of work, fights about other stuff, so that you’re not like the disciples who went back to fishing when the Shepherd was gone from the picture – apparently, but not really…then maybe if that is your life goal and determination, then it is something that Wendy could bank on. But you’re still human, you could still fail… The core triggering mechanisms that brought yo there before could still be there if not removed – unmasking them as you share like here, help. In any event, taking those chances and risks are what Love is…it is vulnerable, it is not a mechanical automatic thing. A safe things so that walking on egg shells is your lot in life. It is alive, it can get hurt, but it is also all of the things from 1 Cor. 13 and ultimately in Christ, it is God, who helps us in the areas where there is slack. She has certainly worked her way through a lot of that and has most definitely stuck her neck, or better her heart out there again and again. If you could always keep before you that her heart is the lost treasure and that you would do anything, even die to everything to find it again in God’s love and time, then maybe, just maybe, you are on your way. You realize the cost to some degree, though she knows it deeper, are you willing to pay an even higher cost to keep her at all costs as long as God is glorified? I think it is in you…I know it is in you, because God has deposited it there, right in your heart. Keep sharing your heart and keep letting the Lord of love heal every part. Let the seeds and ripples of change be just as impactful and even deeper in effect moreso than those which destroyed everything in the first place. Who knows what God might do. Definitely tell your story, love compells you too, even though some in the middle of porn or delving into it, usually pay the hard way as the scales on their eyes and hearts blind them to the truth till it is sometimes too late.
God bless you brother and thank you so very much.

]]> By: Donny Pauling http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/09/07/personal-costs/comment-page-1/#comment-1698 Donny Pauling Sun, 09 Sep 2007 16:39:01 +0000 http://donnysramblings.com/2007/09/07/personal-costs/#comment-1698 Jeff, I like myself too much. I am one person I doubt I'll ever hate. :) - D - Jeff,

I like myself too much. I am one person I doubt I’ll ever hate.
:)

- D -

]]> By: Jeff http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/09/07/personal-costs/comment-page-1/#comment-1697 Jeff Sun, 09 Sep 2007 13:34:41 +0000 http://donnysramblings.com/2007/09/07/personal-costs/#comment-1697 Three men walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks. "I'm very much of the 'make it dark, make it grim, make it tough,' but then, for the love of God, tell a joke." - Joss Whedon If I were to write something like this, it'd be easy to get into a bout of "I'm too much of a failure for God to even use me." Just guilt and depression and self-loathing. I'm praying that it won't happen in your case, Donny. Three men walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.

“I’m very much of the ‘make it dark, make it grim, make it tough,’ but then, for the love of God, tell a joke.” – Joss Whedon

If I were to write something like this, it’d be easy to get into a bout of “I’m too much of a failure for God to even use me.” Just guilt and depression and self-loathing. I’m praying that it won’t happen in your case, Donny.

]]> By: Jason http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/09/07/personal-costs/comment-page-1/#comment-1696 Jason Sun, 09 Sep 2007 01:59:07 +0000 http://donnysramblings.com/2007/09/07/personal-costs/#comment-1696 God bless you, Donny. Honesty is so rare today especially when it leaves you vulnerable. I keep you in prayer. God bless you, Donny. Honesty is so rare today especially when it leaves you vulnerable. I keep you in prayer.

]]> By: tom http://www.donnypauling.com/blog/2007/09/07/personal-costs/comment-page-1/#comment-1695 tom Sun, 09 Sep 2007 01:36:40 +0000 http://donnysramblings.com/2007/09/07/personal-costs/#comment-1695 persecution is the pain of our own spirits crying out for love. wanting to be loved for who we really are. not just for our appearance or position in life persecution is the pain of our own spirits crying out for love. wanting to be loved for who we really are. not just for our appearance or position in life

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