Donny I read your latest blog entry and for some reason I felt impelled to share this with you…….. I wrote it a few days ago-

Dear God,

Why? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?

You MUST HAVE KNOWN that the humans You created would fall into sin and that by far the majority of them would burn forever in eternal conscious torment (according to the Bible.)

I believe You exist. I don’t just believe it, I know it. I have felt You. Not some emotional carried away hallucinatory experience worked up in a church service or moment of deep emotion, but actually felt you, and you feel like electricity. You feel like electrical vibrating power. It makes a person want more and more and go to endless pentecostal services hoping to feel you again, and many times going away feeling frustrated and rejected. Even though the first time I felt You was not at a church service.

I feel guilty all the time for everything because HOW CAN I be happy if I really believe that so many people are going to Hell and I’m not doing much at all about it, and how can I do something about it, because if I run around telling people Accept Jesus or you will burn forever in Hell how many will listen? Probably only the feeble minded, and the rest will think I’m a lunatic. So then I feel guilty for not seeking you more and more with all my heart so that your Spirit can guide me to the people who WILL listen, and so that I can be used effectively in your Kingdom. And how can I enjoy life when I feel guilty about enjoying life because every day I hear some horrible thing on the news like a tragic plane crash or a child abduction or molestation or rape, or some other cruel hideous horrible crime, or starvation and incredible unbearable suffering all over the world. The big hungry suffering eyes of children and the empty vacant stares of depraved or drug addicted adults. People killing each other every day with cars and guns. We kill our children in the womb constantly every day. Is it better for them to die in the womb than to be born and grow up, and then possibly burn for eternity in conscious torment separated from you? Is abortion ever justified? It is the deliberate destruction of a human life. But making it illegal will not stop it, does that mean it should be legal? Making something illegal never stops it, does that mean nothing should be illegal? (Obviously the answer is NO)

What should I do? What should I do with the rest of my life?
The Bible says Jesus died for our sins. But now it seems like believing that isn’t enough if your life doesn’t really change and if you don’t tithe and live a pure moral life, because if you don’t change it supposedly means you never really believed or knew Him. And some people do become Christians and change for a while and then go back, and the Bible says it would be better for them if they’d never become Christians in the first place. And some accept Jesus and don’t change at all. And some accept Jesus and then become insufferable and unbearable to be around. And the ones who truly know him are not obvious but just have a quality about them that looks outward with love and does not judge. But how can a person really know if they know You? Do I really know You? Sometimes you seem like an invisible imaginary friend. I KNOW you are there. But I see that horrible things still happen to Christians. But I can’t stop praying for you to keep my children safe. I pray and pray for protection on my children and grandchildren and all family members and I pray and pray for your will to be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Do these prayers really help? I think they do.

The sex thing is so hard for most people because the physical readiness comes years and years before a person is usually ready to get married and make a commitment to one person for the rest of their life, and there seem to be no acceptable outlets, which leaves many people in a torment of guilt all the time, or they just harden their hearts against the guilt or justify themselves in their minds. I feel sorry for people with homosexual attractions because if they believe it’s wrong how can they get rid of it? If they believe it’s wrong, and do it, they live in torment and some commit suicide. The same for any immoral behavior.

I am so torn sometimes between what the real me really believes and what the Bible teaches. But I really do believe that the Bible is true. So some of the few verses that give me real hope are Mercy triumphs over judgement, and Love covers a multitude of sins.

I don’t have the answers to the hard questions. So I guess I’ll just live till I die (duhhhhhh!) And I will pray and read the Bible and try to be a good non-judgemental listener and even if I don’t have the right to enjoy my life because there is so much suffering in the world, I am going to try to enjoy it. I want to jump and dance and sing and smell daffodils. I want to play silly games with my grandkids. I want to delight in the humor of my children. They are each so wonderfully unique. I love goofy humor like Napoleon Dynamite and Oh Brother Where Art Thou? (movies) I love well written stories. I like to run in the field. I like to buy Christmas presents. I like to just hang out with family and talk. I like really good coffee. I even like dirt and rocks.

One Bible verse I like is “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and don’t lean to your own understanding.” Oh, and “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.”

God, You are FAR beyond anything science has discovered.

Love,
********

In my youth being reared quite legalistically, saying “Praise the Lord” was totally a false repetition that only the AGs or Pentecostals would say – how arrogant and wrong of me! With my blessed freedom in grace, I can shout out “Praise the Lord” with enthusiasm. Hopefully, you can accept me anyway, Donny, as a fellow follower of Jesus.

I appreciate your honesty. It took me quite a while to realize the world will see we’re Christians by our love for one another – not our criticisms.

Oh, I have to go now…hope any of that made sense ’cause I don’t have time to go back and read it…my angelpie 2 yr. old is calling my name!

Also, though, keep in mind that every institution has a vernacular. When I taught first grade, I often had to remind myself to use regular person speech when talking to parents about classroom stuff. I’d forget that they didn’t always understand what TPRI or ARD meant, or that sometimes they weren’t even really clear on what terms like “advanced placement” or “emergent literacy” meant, even though those words were part of my everyday vocabulary.

Well said.

Alan