Donny's Ramblings

This is powerful, no? We often play it at Porn and Pancakes events.

The lyrics can be found below the video.

Lyrics:

1st verse:
An old man vacationing, he stands patiently
under a hotel sign that blinks vacancy
he’s thinking maybe he’s too late to make the drop off
til a truck coming his way brakes and stops short
and now he’s out of sorts and you can see he’s sorta nervous
walking to the passenger door to meet his ordered service
this is someones daughter working, blames his conscience
when the driver says “she’s my youngest, her name is Constance”
he comments “and its only 6 dollars per visit
just don’t leave any marks on her, it hurts business”
thought for a minute and he confessed “that’s fair”
since it was three dollars less then his cab fair
“how old are you honey?” she says “I’m thirteen”
her nose was runny, its raining in the Philippines
he handed over the money in a chilling scene
the truck drives off and now he’s on the hunt to kill her dreams
the sign reads no vacancy, he leads Constance to a room
he has rented for taping see,
he’s about to turn six into six thousand
and all you have to do is click on your web browser
its not illegal to use rapin’ as a cash crop
as long as it says she’s 18 on your laptop
the sound of rain is her backdrop laying there
like she’s waiting for somebody to say they care
while the tears of God fall down the window pane
she feels unholy like her Father doesn’t know her name

Mary Magdalene and the Woman At The Well
He knows everything that happened and in His arms she fell.

in his arms she fell
will you stay with me

2nd verse:
He’s 21 and all alone in his household
he’s tempted by the quiet he feels and the mouse he holds
the silence of his spouse is cold
so he’s about to help that man get his six thousand gold
one click and now she’s sold
withholding his conscience scrolling through the comments
there she is looking confident a picture of Constance
in a series of video clips, “adult content”
the title blinks in bold letters like the vacancy sign
it’s his time to go get her
it’s like his mind doesn’t know better
her soul is crying out “let me go” but he wont let her
he got her trapped inside his media player
held captive by his need to replay her
its a matter of he being here and she being there
that’s why he doesn’t feel the need to care
guilt is in the seed he bears
spilling his shares of the profit
on a 500 million dollar market
where children are regarded as product
and traded like stock tips
and raped for the sake of our pockets
his lap top sits like a window into Constance room
where he exits ’cause its almost noon
and he’s expecting his wife home soon
with new clothes for the baby
she’d be angry if she saw his new lady
a thirteen year old Filipino named Constance
trust me girl God has not forgotten

He knew Mary Magdalene and the Woman at the Well
He knows everything that happened and in His arms she fell

in his arms she fell
will you stay with me

I have a secret to tell you. But I don’t want you to tell anyone else, okay? Let’s just keep this between me and you.

I feel like a “typical Christian” in many ways lately. Wanna know why? I’ve been playing the hiding game. I promised myself I’d never do that, yet I’ve been doing it anyway.

What am I talking about? The feeling that I need to hide my “sins” so that others don’t think poorly of me. The thought that being open about them will result in negative effects on my life. Like less churches asking me to speak for them, for example. Or not being allowed to complete seminary. Or losing a book deal. Or… whatever.

The thing is, some of my “sins” are repetitive. Because of that, I feel that I should be past them by now. I should have “grown up” spiritually. After all, it’s been almost a year, right? That must be 20 in Christian years. I should be an “adult”.

I remember as a child growing up in church I’d hear the beloved Saints ripping other Saints to shreds for their sins. It made me angry inside. Usually angry at those who were being ripped to shreds, to be honest. “How could they be such sinners?” I’d think. I was young and impressionable and it seemed to me that if the people who were doing the talking felt that those being talked about needed to change then, by God, they needed to change!

As I became a teenager I looked at the situation in a different light, and the feelings of anger I harbored were now directed towards the “talkers”. Two words described my opinion of those who were ripping down their fellow Christians: hypocritical gossips.

But their words were painful.

And it’s because of experiences like that, which I know all of you can relate to, that I’m often afraid to reach out for help when I fail now. I look back through this blog and am proud that I used to rip myself open and talk about whatever my issues happened to be. But I’ve noticed a trend toward secrecy. I have more to lose now.

I didn’t tell any of my accountability partners that I was drinking a lot.

I didn’t tell any of my accountability partners that I was still raising hell on the same adult internet message boards I used to frequently post on when I was a porn producer.

I should have gone to them, but I didn’t. I was afraid. At what point does it sound like whining to admit that you’re still stuck in the same cycle? At what point do they simply kick your ass and tell you to just “get over it already”?!?

When my issues were finally revealed, they were gracious. And I was amazed at how much the exposure of said issues (“issues” being more PC than the word “sins”) brought relief. And help. With accountability partners on my side, it’s been easy to keep away from the alcohol. It’s been easy to stay off the discussion forums.

Perhaps there’s something to that Biblical idea of “confessing our sins to each other” after all.