Donny's Ramblings

It’s very difficult.

And very nice.

And very difficult.

And very nice.

Yep, that about covers it. One day I wake up feeling lonely. The next I wake up loving my singleness.

I miss small things I’ve always taken for granted. Like, for instance, having someone to tell about things that amuse me. I don’t watch TV anymore, but TV is a perfect illustration of what I’m talking about.

Let’s say you’re watching a program while sitting beside the love of your life. Something amuses you. You laugh, and glance over at her to see if she was as amused as you were. She rolls her eyes because THAT was just too juvenile to deserve laughter, ya dork!

When you’re single, who can you glance at? Who can join you in the moment?

I never realized what an intimate connection it is to simply have someone to look at.

It’s romantic.

And speaking of the “R” word… romance, to me, has nothing to do with flowers or gifts. It has everything to do with intimate connections, which exist on multiple levels and aren’t always obvious.

A glance.

A “taste this, babe”.

A “that was such a good song! It made my eyes leak!”

You’re driving down the road and a new song comes on that you’ve never heard before. Your heart’s conquerer is in the passenger seat listening as well. The words move you. You say something about it, and the two of you discover something new about each other, simply by the way you react to a song.

When you’re single, it’s just not the same to call your best friend John to explain how you feel.

I don’t miss sex all that much, to be honest with you. I’m not saying I’ve lost my desire, it’s just that it’s not as important to me as other things.

Like having someone to READ to.

Like having someone sitting in the passenger seat for a trip up Highway 70 to Quincy.

Like hearing laughter at something the rest of the world would think was really dumb.

Like watching her try to stay annoyed while you try to make up for some minor idiocy by making a fool of yourself, just to get her to laugh.

Nothing major, you see. Just minor things. Just “couple” things.

Just romantic things.

Romance. Ah, how I miss ye!

The God Den… that’s the new nickname for my house.

Friday evening I attended a service at Bethel. After the service, Kris Vallotton asked how I was doing. I told him that spiritually I feel good, but I’m living in a big house without even my Beagles for company, so sometimes I feel a bit lonely. He asked what I do with my time. I told him that I work on my new business, read a lot of books by Christian authors and pray a lot, especially so since the public meltdown I blogged about not long ago.

“You’re house has become a God Den”, he said.

I’ll accept that. I’ve begun thinking of it as such, and it’s changed my outlook quite a bit. It’s a bit more difficult to feel sad when you’re sitting in a God Den, don’t you think?

This morning Kris gave me a big hug. He said, “I love you man. You’re such an encouragement to me.”

“And you are to me, Kris. Your labeling my house The God Den gives me a new perspective on many things. Those words have stuck with me.”

And with that I left him to greet the others waiting to see him.

Isn’t it funny how a few words can change your entire outlook on something?

I can’t possibly do justice to the way Kris’ words changed things in my mind. Late at night, when I sit alone in my easy chair, reading a book or conversing with God, those words will encourage me to remember who I am and where I am.

In fact, those words can be used to remove sadness and loneliness.

So I sit here now writing to all of you from The God Den: a place where I continue to grow in faith… a place where I study… a place God meets with me.

That was a good word.

Thank you Kris.

Today’s my 33rd birthday, and it has to be one of the worst days I’ve had in a long time. I’ll write a bit more about that in the next few days.

I turned on comment moderation because there are a handful of people who have decided it’s a good idea to post porn links here. I’ll eventually turn moderation off, but for now when you post a comment it will be sent to me via email and I’ll either approve or delete it. It won’t show up immediately, but I’ll approve them as quickly as I can after checking email. For the next several hours I’ll be gone spending some time with my son so it will be awhile.