For Brian, whom I’ve known almost 10 years, who produced porn with me from time to time, and who says it’s “not porn’s fault because porn is inanimate”, and who is completely right about that.

Dear Brian,

You’re right… “porn” is inanimate and “porn” isn’t to blame for the broken lives.  People are:  I AM,  you are…  Those who consume it.  Those who market it.  Those who send traffic to those who market it.

I recruited the model and shot the photos/videos, but didn’t rape the girl at a party while she was passed out, assuming it was okay ’cause she’s a “porn star”.  Isn’t it sad she has a child who will never know who his father is?

I recruited the model and shot the photos/videos, but didn’t plaster them on her daddy’s car for him to discover when leaving work with his buddies.

I recruited the model and shot the photos/videos, but didn’t nail images to trees on her high school or college campus, humiliating her.

I recruited the model and shot the photos/videos, but wasn’t there the day her daddy told her he didn’t want to speak to her anymore because she’d shamed her family.

I recruited the model and shot the photos/videos, but wasn’t in the office with her the day she was kicked out of the police academy for violating their morality clause.

I recruited the model and shot the photos/videos, but wasn’t in the office the day Hewlett Packard let her go after management found out about it.

I recruited the model and shot the photos/videos, but wasn’t there on the day she attempted suicide when she didn’t feel she could deal with the repercussions anymore.

I wasn’t in the hospital with the girl who had to have surgery to repair damage she experienced when being pounded by multiple partners in multiple orifices.

That girl curled in a ball in a corner sucking her thumb on a porn set, mind blown from what she had to experience… I don’t know what to say about stuff like that.

I recruited the model and shot the photos/videos… and the list goes on and on.

We recruit, we produce. We ship it off to be marketed. Some of us market it ourselves. Some of us send traffic to it.  Some of us consume it.

There’s a big circle in the “supply and demand” of porn. There are also human costs to this business. I take responsibility for my part.  I speak publicly about these things. I condemn nobody. We’re all part of it… every one of us in the supply and demand circle of porn.

UPDATE: I tell much more of this story in the column I write for xxxchurch (click here)

MySpace. This Morning. Click to Enlarge:

All she did were solo nudes, folks. Posed alone. For photos.

Harmless, yes?

I’m gonna go deeper into this story later. Check back tomorrow morning.

ABOUT THE WEBSITES:

Several individuals have made comments questioning why the websites I owned for all those years are still online and accepting new members. The answer is very simple, people: I sold them all more than a year ago. I’ve blogged about that in the past. After selling, Belinda and I continued producing the photo and video content for them. Since my departure from producing porn the new owner of the site has simply begun purchasing content from another producer.

MONEY:

I definitely should have managed what I made a little better. I am not a “saver”, that’s for sure. After all, anytime I needed more money I’d pick up the phone and call a model in for the day, lift a camera, and often times be paid by clients on the same day. In total, I made millions from the adult industry, yet managed to spend it all on a lifestyle few will ever experience. Let’s just say I lived very well. I’m 32 years old and always put off “investing” for another day. I knew it was rather reckless but felt I was young enough to “live” for a few more years before becoming financially responsible.

To be honest, I am rather happy that I don’t have to face the moral issue of deciding to keep the money made from porn. I’ll be starting over almost from scratch. I’ll be giving away the majority of my production equipment to Belinda. She has no intentions of ceasing production. I’m not pressuring her to quit, either. Trying to force me to quit never would have worked. The decision has to come from the heart. Belinda will be making a go of it alone and will definitely learn a lot from the experience. Will we someday be reunited as a couple? I don’t know. Time will tell. I’ll definitely educate her on what I believe, but I am not going to force anything on anyone. Not even the woman I’ve spent almost 6 years with.

I may start using adsense on this blog to generate extra income. If they ever choose to activate my account, that is.

EMAIL:

I can’t express what a strength it is to receive your email comments and myspace messages. Keep sending them. And keep me in your prayers.